JOY

Joy 

 

We all want to feel joy but are stymied with how to do so.
Some of us find joy in our family and friends or travel or work. And these can contribute to joy.
Some of us try to find joy in drinking or drugs or sex. And sometimes we can – for a while. But then the thrill wears off.
Some of us seek joy in owning possessions and from buying things. But then we’re depressed when the bills arrive.
In the long run, many people don’t seem very joyful. They’re overwhelmed by worrying about the future and complaining about the past and present. But we can learn to increase our joy in life and overcome habits that get in the way.  Joy is attainable!

One big block to joy is hate and anger. I know someone who still hates his former girlfriend, 5 years after she broke up with him. He can’t feel joy because he’s focused on anger and hate and is stuck in the role of victim. If someone’s hurt you, deal with these feelings and move on. Sometimes we need professional help to work through the pain – but it’s worth doing to enjoy life.

Letting go of hate and anger and choosing to forgive free your heart from the past so you can move forward and make room for joy and love. It does not mean that what the person did was OK or that you would allow it to happen again. When you let go of the hateful emotions, you are no longer the victim and you are no longer emotionally connected to that person. You can then learn from the experience and make room for joy.

The second and very popular way that we torture ourselves and block joy is focusing on fear and worry.  Over 95% of the things we worry about never happen. But many of us spend an inordinate amount of time worrying – “What if this happens? What if that happens?” This is exhausting and it blocks joy.

One form of fear and worry is catastrophizing – assuming the worst. A woman I know received one verbal warning at work. Although her evaluation had been excellent, she catastrophized her situation, and it grew in her mind from a verbal warning to her being terminated to her never finding another job and then being homeless. All from a verbal warning! None of those things happened but she made herself miserable for awhile.

Sometimes we cause what we fear by overreacting. If that woman had become really distracted by her worries and fears, her work performance would have suffered. Or someone who worries about their partner leaving them might destroy the relationship with their obsessive worry and jealousy. Focusing on fear and worry draws what we fear to us and gets in the way of feeling joy.

Worry and fear will not protect us. They are bad habits that make us unhappy. However, we can change how we deal with worry and fear.

Examine your worries and fears. Write out a contingency plan with how you will handle what you’re worrying about if it should happen. Then if you’re tempted to worry about it, remind yourself, “I don’t have to worry - I have a plan.”

You also have the ability to change how you think. Take deep breaths and push worries and fearful thoughts away if there is nothing you can do about them right now. Remind yourself that most of what you’ve worried about has never happened. Replace worries and fears with reassuring messages and focus on your strengths and successes. Tell yourself, “Whatever happens, I can figure out a way to deal with it.”

Another BIG joy-buster is complaining and blaming and focusing on what’s wrong.   Commercials on TV manipulate us into feeling dissatisfied with our lives, focusing on what we do not have. Many people think they’d be happy “if only” they had a new car or a better body or the right clothes - and complain about not having them.

You’ve probably worked with people who complain about their job all the time. They don’t seem very happy, do they? They’re acting like victims and are not doing anything to change the situation.

Maybe you have friends who complain about their relationship to you and blame their partner for their unhappiness. How is complaining to you going to improve their relationship and make them happy?

Often we expect our partners to make us happy. There is only one person who can make you happy – and that is you - if you choose to take responsibility for your emotions and your life. That’s good news because it gives you control over your life.

Focus on what you have control over. 
Remember - you always have options:
1) You can complain about the job or the relationship and focus on what’s wrong, blame others, and choose to be miserable
2) Or you can try to change the conditions that you don’t like. Talk constructively with your boss.  Talk with your partner, do couples counseling.
3) Or you can find a different job or end the relationship.
4) Or you can change your attitude. Focus on the benefits of the job (security, paycheck).  Focus on the benefits of the relationship (security, love, someone to annoy).

You have the power to choose your actions and what you tell yourself – and what you tell yourself influences how you feel.

Focus on what’s right and be grateful for your life. Stop and smell the flowers, enjoy the sunshine – and even the rain – and honor the wonder of life. Gratitude opens our hearts to joy.

We kill our joy with hate, anger, fear and worry. We drive joy away by complaining and blaming and focusing on what’s wrong.

We have the power to change our thoughts and bring joy into our lives. We can choose to forgive. We can focus on our strengths and on what’s going right. We can take responsibility for our emotions. We can be grateful for what we have.

The path to joy is within us. If we seek joy, we will find it.

 

 

Herbal "brew" for perimenopause

Herbs – Perimenopausal                  ©Gloria Rohlfs 2008

The following is what I found worked for me during the perimenopausal stage, when my moods began to rage & my menstrual cycle became irregular.  This “brew” is intended to support the normal menstrual cycle & provide hormonal and emotional stability, promote strong bones, etc.  & is helpful to drink daily until menopause has occurred & moods have stabilized.  It can also be helpful after menopause.

I obtained this information from Susan Weed’s book Menopausal Years, from Our Bodies Ourselves, and from the German Commission E guide to herbs.

Herbs should be stored away from light & preferably in a tin or jar.  That's especially important for storing oatstraw, as mice love it.

Make the infusions* (strong teas) using a large tea pot (not metal) or large glass jar (like a canning jar – with a lid). Preferably make enough for 2 days at a time maximum, as it loses potency after that (and can begin to taste a little strong).  (but if you can only make it twice per week, that’s better than not drinking it - double the amount below).   If you make it daily, use half of the amount given below.

 For enough for 2 days, I used 1 heaping tablespoon of each herb (unless otherwise noted).  Then add 4 cups boiling water (that's just started to boil) & let it steep for approx. 2 hours.  Strain.  Store unused portion in the refrigerator.  Drink half of this each day.  One can drink it warm or cold, add more water to it if it’s too strong and/or add honey to it.

First day of period through day 13 (or thru day 16):

Oatstraw, Nettle, Sage, and

Horsetail or Red Clover

Someone taking medication to "thin their blood" (for high blood pressure) should talk with their doctor and/or proceed cautiously with taking red clover, as it lowers blood pressure & can increase bleeding in interaction with these meds - but it also may help prevent cancer.  Horsetail helps prevent osteoporosis & helps strengthen bones (p. 173- Weed book).  Oatstraw also promotes strong bones & reduces night sweats (p. 175 – Weed book).  Nettle decreases anxiety & other perimenopausal symptoms, is a source of calcium.  (p. 177 Weed book).  Sage may relieve depression & reduce night sweats.

Days 14 through 25: (or 17-28)

Oatstraw, Nettle, Sage, and

Yarrow

            Yarrow helps create a natural progesterone-like effect, remedies bladder infections, incontinence & flooding (but may increase sweating with hot flashes).

Take a break from the sage for a couple days each cycle - & occasionally maybe from all the herbs for 1 cycle/year,  except the oatstraw and nettle.

If not having periods, you might prefer just the oatstraw, nettle  - & possibly sage –plus the other herbs on a rotating basis.

Research(clinical trials in Turkey ca. 2010) showed that acupuncture twice weekly for 10 weeks reduced menopausal  symptoms of hot flashes and mood swings.

Other herbal information:

Hormone-balancing herbs that promote your natural estrogen production are:  red clover flowers/leaves, black cohosh root, licorice root (this contains a lot of estrogen, so use carefully), sage leaves, alfalfa, any herb containing flavonoids (such as horsetail).  Hormone-balancing herbs that promote your natural progesterone production are:  chaste tree/vitex berries, wild yam root, yarrow flowers/leaves. 

None of these introduce artificial estrogen or progesterone into the body.

Evening primrose oil has many helpful attributes.  It’s an essential fatty acid & a source of magnesium (necessary to absorb calcium)  – oatstraw, nettle, horsetail, sage, red clover are also sources of magnesium.  It may help decrease severity of hot flashes, strengthen bones, calm nerves, decrease anxiety.  Some have found this to help with PMS.  This comes in gel-caps.  Most women need to take at least 2 caps/day when perimenopausal.

Black cohosh tinture can be useful, especially beginning a week before the period begins & taken for a couple weeks, ½ dropperful a day, in balancing hormones/emotions. For hot flashes take daily: 10-15 drops (or 30-60 drops) 1x or 2x per day.  Also helps calm the nerves & bring sleep (for some people).  Do not take if you have menstrual flooding or if you experience agitation from it.  

Chaste tree (vitex) berry reduces fibroids and is helpful for relieving PMS symptoms, for irregular cycles, to calm emotions, protect against osteroperosis & reduce hot flashes & dizziness.  (it can take a couple months before effects are noted).  20 drops of tinture 1x or 2x per day.   The German Commission E monograph recommends a daily intake of 30–40 mg of the dried herb—in capsules or in liquid preparations.  I found no record of interactions with meds or of side effects with Vitex.

Vitamin E also helps reduce hot flashes and helps decrease heart disease as well.  Doses recommended by S. Weed are 200-600 IU daily (but not over 100 IU if you have diabetes, high blood pressure or rheumatic heart conditions, are taking digitalis or anti-coagulants).  Keep gel caps (evening primrose oil, Vit. E, etc.) in the refrigerator, as hot weather destabilizes them.

Oatstraw helps reduce night sweats, as does Motherwort (10-25 drops of tinture up to 3x per day & upon awakening – takes 2-4 weeks to feel the effects)

*regarding Infusions:  technically, infusions should be infused for different time periods, depending on which herb’s being infused, as follows (per Susun Weed, Menopausal Years) (but I didn’t follow this specific table; I infused all of them about 2 hours & received benefits):

Plant Part	Amount	Water Amount	How long to infuse
Roots/bark	1 oz./30 g.	Pint/500 ml.	8 hours minimum
Leaves	1 oz./30 g.	Quart/liter	4 hours minimum
Flowers	1 oz./30 g.	Quart/liter	2 hours maximum
Seeds/berries	1 oz./30 g.	Pint/500 ml.	30 minutes maximum

Local sources of herbs:  University Herbs on 40^th. St. near

Chestnut St.

& at Temple Univ.

            In bulk (1 lb. bags) from Frontier Herbs in Norway, Iowa – www.frontiercoop.com (may be cheaper per oz. – calculate including shipping charges)

Slut Walk

Demonstrations with the attention-grabbing name of “Slut Walk” began in Canada in response to a police officer advising women that they’d be safer if they did not dress like sluts.  The intent of this advice was to help women be safe, but it sounded like he was blaming the victim, which has historically occurred with the crime of rape.  This same sentiment was voiced recently by a Philadelphia-area journalist regarding the brutal assault in Egypt of reporter Lara Larson, despite her having been dressed conservatively at that time.

Why is the victim blamed in the crime of rape but the victim is not blamed in the crime of robbery?  When someone is robbed, the crime is not taken less seriously if the victim was wearing expensive clothes or if the victim was driving a Mercedes or BMW.  Why not?  It they didn’t flaunt their wealth, perhaps they wouldn’t get robbed.  Using the same logic that’s used with rape, they were asking to be robbed because their clothes and car sent the message that they had money.

But it’s not about clothing – it’s about power and control, about dominance.

Women are raped when they dare to be more independent than the patriarchal attitudes allow.  Women are attacked when walking alone, no matter what they’re wearing, especially in certain countries or neighborhoods.  It’s not about what women wear, it’s about control. Women are raped in some countries when covered head to toe because they dare go to school.  Rape is one of the weapons used during war.  Rape is used to establish dominance, whether of a husband over his wife or of one prison inmate over another or of men that do not want women to have certain freedoms. 

There’s been much debate about whether what women wear when participating in the Slut Walk demonstration interferes with the message.  For some observers it might – but they’d probably not get the message, no matter how it’s presented.  Women should have the right to wear whatever they want without fear of sexual violence.  The perpetrator is to blame for this crime.  No one should have the right to rape women because their clothing is considered “seductive” any more than anyone should have the right to rob someone who’s wearing a designer business suit that sends the message that the wearer has money.  Both are crimes, and the perpetrator, not the victim, should be punished.

Amsterdam

I arrived in Amsterdam and checked into Frederic’s, a hotel and bike-rental, where I rented the Chagall room, which has Chagall-like paintings.   There’s also a Picasso room, and the owners live upstairs, very “gezellig” (cozy).

After a brief nap, I was ready to explore the city. I found a food stand, bought a “paling” (smoked eel) sandwich, and enjoyed people-watching while eating.   I felt such joy watching the bike traffic!  

Many people have bikes with beautiful, flowing frames, large wheels and handlebars at a height where one sits upright, called “omafiets” (grandmother bicycle), which are very popular.  People of all ages ride them confidently along the bike paths or on the narrow streets, some dressed in suits with briefcases, others in mini-skirts and knee-high boots, others in dresses and high-heels or in jeans  - basically dressed for their normal day, riding their bikes to work or school.  Occasionally a friend was hitching a ride seated on the back of the bike, propelled seemingly effortlessly by the cyclist. 

Bikes have their own little traffic lights at intersections on bike paths along main roads – with cute illuminated red or green bikes.   Bicycles are a normal part of traffic, are protected by law, and cars yield to them. 

In addition to the preponderance of bikes, there were an amazing number of tall people in Amsterdam.  I’m six feet tall and felt of average height there.  My heart really leapt to see so many tall people sitting tall astride beautiful upright Dutch bicycles – I felt that I’d arrived at home, a place with people like me!

Dutch bikes - Gazelle "grandma bike" (omafiets)

http://www.gazelle.nl/nl/collectie/stadsfietsen-comfort/toer-populair.html

 

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